i entered debate without any prior speaking experience, without any confidence in my voice at all.

i remember very clearly that in primary school the oral examination would make me nervous till my entire body went cold and pale.

there was once my teacher wanted me to share something with the class, and i couldn't hold the mic properly, neither could i speak properly, neither could i look at my class.

so when i entered hwachong and cca selection time came, debate was one of my last choices. during the cca orientation i couldn't bother more about what the seniors were saying up there. i just remembered watching the arena 2 years ago and not understanding a s*** they were saying.

i never imagined i would join debate. my worried parents and myself, worried that i could join some "useless" cca, decided to enrol me in a violin crash course so that i could join the string orchestra.

i actually did quite well, since i had strong musical background after playing the piano for many years.

so at the cca orientation string orchestra was the only thing i was paying attention to.

but after careful consideration at home, we decided that it was not safe enough to just go for one cca, especially one that didn't hold any trials at all, considering i was just a newbie.

and so - bingo, i went for debate trials.

for a period of time i ignored all the announcements on the smb telling us about debate trials, until the time i was actually interested in it.

and that time was the last trial they were going to hold; meaning it was my last chance of salvaging that minute bit of hope.

on the day itself i couldn't find the room, and had to call my mum to ask for the correct location. eventually i arrived, but was 20 minutes late. i was lucky that the senior was nice (benjy, I remember), and still allowed me to participate. so i sat for a general knowledge test first.

it was the worst test i ever did. i still remember saying that chernobyl was in england.

and so by then i had almost lost all hope that i would eventually get in since i had already failed the test.

afterwards was the interview. i was trembling like never before - and it was worsened by how the room was bloody cold.

the interview panel was a group of jc seniors, and perhaps they took pity with me considering my poor results in the test, and didn't ask hard questions.

one question i still remember till today is: "Would you rather, in a competition, your team wins, but you feel that you didn't do too well, or your team loses, but your are awarded the overall best speaker award?"

i answered: "The first option. Because debate is a team... sport, and what's the point of getting something for yourself when your team loses?" There was no point being selfish.

i couldn't remember more from there.

<3>

Darion calls me up to go to the second round of the trials.

I was shocked!

and i went for the trials. the second round was a debate, and i was the first proposition speaker (a role which i discovered i couldn't perform for nuts - I'm a rebuttal speaker).

my speech was less than 3 minutes, and i couldn't understand some of the terms i used in the speech that my team mates had fed to me.

another bad performance.

so after the debate a senior brought me out and asked me a few questions. i was extremely nervous, and couldn't answer at all. he asked me why i thought smoking should be banned. i said it did harm. he said why didn't other things like boxing, which also caused harm, also get banned? i stoned for a while and he revealed the answer to me - it caused third party harm. and then he asked me again - why should we invade north korea? this time i seriously couldn't think. i answered that they were not doing a good job in controlling the country? which was obviously a ridiculous answer. at that time i knew nuts about the DPRK.

and then i went home.

and by then i had ticked debate out of my list.

then, surprise, surprise!

I got called by darion again, and i was accepted!

someone with no ability to speak, no experience, no GK, no confidence - a member of debate.

I'm still laughing.

come to think of it, joining debate was probably the best decision that I ever made. if not for debate my speaking skills would never have improved, my intelligence would never have grown, and everything wouldn't have been in place.

the most absurd turn in life seems to be the best thing that had ever happened to me.

and 2 weeks ago while laughing at how some sec ones wrote in their GK test that UK was a member of the UAE, and that al qaeda was fighting a civil war in sri lanka, i was reminded of myself.

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Chinese new year is something that everyone likes because in this capitalist environment of opportunities there will still be people who do not succeed.

centuries have passed with us celebrating this event, nothing has come of the well-wishes and the prayers, but we still hope.

CNY is the manifestation of the bourgeoisie desires in us all.